LABORED BLOCKING

OK, you go over there.

Top this, Mr. Mahogany, Mr. Mattress-Spring,
Mr. Coiled-Snake's
kin oil,

rock out, knock your block
out the wall you built.
Two-bit tooth-bit telephone cord
swirltangle-for-brains.

At the pass my call was cut off.
OK, you go over there.

Mr. Answerprecludesthequestion, Mr. Myliege,
I was foiled in my toiling.
The hurricane breeze blew crocodilic words,
lisping into my brain,
some strange weather from the north.

Oh, I see. You stand over there.


(First posted on Komposite Sketch.)

THAT TREE IS FAR AWAY

That tree is far away from city life.
Even if it were not so far away,
even if its roots smashed up the sidewalks of Huntington Ave.,
it couldn’t hear the 808 bass bombs that blast out your trunk
from block to shining block.

I have a chalice
no one drinks from
(not even I do)
made of
cold sun sharpened air.

Some actions are preceded by long disclaimers.
Some people are preceded by their actions.
Some people monger rumors, war and sickness.
The time for vanity is now. Time to turn
the other, more viable cheek.

These deskbound blues ring true. Not too far away
I know life is being lived—not just lives.
I am desperately aware that the wagon wheel
needs not this component, this spare part.
Endless shivering applause? Coughing up clouds?

A dead stump grows out of the brown ice,
duct-taped to it, branches of spite, malice.
Is that tree really so far away?
Listen up: over the hill or over the cliff?

SNOWBOAT

ALL THE big fat birds swoop
into the specter of newscast past.
The end is a burst of COLOR--

species of Fly discovered? Caught, encased,
shown the evolutionary door.

Gods, dragons, free lunches--
these are like the eyeful of sky
I rarely catch but often try

to imagine, like starting a fire
with a spoon and a rock.

the sea no salvation
the umbrella no understanding
the restroom no respite

Gosh, it's bright outside.

While quick witted, sarcastic jabs may not be my forte, I do appreciate the value of a clever insult, even when it's directed at yours truly. After stumbling across a website devoted to sarcasm, Sarcasm Society, and a blog post dedicated to classy insults, When Insults Had Class, I've decided to post some of the best sarcastic quotes I came across for your amusement and inspiration. Enjoy.

» Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

» I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
- Stephen Bishop

» The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa

» He had delusions of adequacy.
- Walter Kerr

» He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- Winston Churchill

» No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
» I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
» I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
» I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
- Groucho Marx

» He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
- Victor Borge

» I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
» Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
» Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
» I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
- Mark Twain

» I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow

» You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen

» He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

» Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.
- Moses Hadas

An exchange between John Wilkes and the Earl of Sandwich (both English Parliamentarians of the 18th century):
–The Earl: “Egad, sir, I do not know whether you will die at the gallows or of the pox.”
–Wilkes: “That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your women.”

check it!

http://djlando.muxtape.com/

The Kids Are Alright

I've lost count of the number of nights I've sat here thinking of something interesting to write, It's taken me nearly a month of thinking and sleeping just so I could compose my thoughts enough to even write more then half a page. I don't think I'm a natural, or if I am then it's very latent, or doesn't exist at all.

I'm very pleased to say that I haven't crashed any more canal boats. I haven't been near a boat really since that incident and I never plan to again. Quite frankly, I think boats are rubbish. But I digress. I often think of the things I'm scared of. I have an unnatural fear of our eight legged friends and a slightly irrational fear of standing at the edge of the platform on the underground, but really, the one thing I fear most is at about 40 I think I'm going to go through some sort of emotional and mental breakdown, followed by months of expensive counselling. Why? Read on...

When I was 14, my dad was going through what he has self titled a 'funny turn'. He drove faster and started hanging about with lots of antipodeans. He also got his ear pierced which I unfortunately had to witness on one of the weekends he looked after me. A middle aged bloke, your Father no less getting an earring is pretty strange for a young kid to take in.
Dad's are meant to be dad's, not born again ravers. It had a really annoying little ball on it as well.

Then he dragged me over to some house one boxing day, Dinner, hang about, go home. Or so I thought. The people at this dinner were at least ten years younger then he was, it was the first time I'd seen someone do a line of cocaine. Fucked up. I was sitting in the living room away from the madness at the table when some vile Kiwi walked over 'Got any Morcheeba?Yeah? '. The way she was dancing, almost like she was having sex with herself in slow motion. I couldn't wait to leave.

The worst part of the above, was that I think I could see these people laughing at my dad behind his back. I really wanted to tell him to stop being such a fass. But in another more twisted way, I kind of wanted him to carry on and find out the hard way.
In between all this I ended up living with him. Fuck me, although moving out at 18 has pretty much indebted me until the age of about 25, it was the greatest move I ever made.

To get to the point of the subject my biggest fear is not being kicked to death by scallies walking home, or being attacked by midgets or arachnids, it's getting to that age and finding out that I have become him without realising.
Bollocks to the kids, I think the adults need Counsellors.

Out to Sea

"Come back." She thought as the sound of an unanswered call ended abruptly, transforming the harsh ring into the lifeless impersonation of a human voice. "You have reached the mail box of..." He was gone; useless as a friend, and eventually, as a person. He was riding an introverted wave. She imagined him as a shipwrecked sailor on the island of Sirenum scopuli, rotting away as he lay hypnotized by the inescapable song of the Sirens. Soon enough the song would end and so would he.