On Adultery

Every once in a while there's a topic that seems to pop up in multiple situations in my life. Today that topic is adultery. I've had a lot of experience with adultery, both personally and from hearing stories about friends and even enemies (don't ever fool yourself into thinking your business doesn't get around). It's kind of funny what people do and say behind each others backs, myself included. I've got enough information to at least damage a couple of relationships, and the sad part is, most people can probably say the same thing. And yet, it's always the messenger who gets proverbially "shot". Not to mention, despite whether the cheating party is forgiven or not, the person who had nothing to do with the relationship usually ends up taking most of the blame. Where is the sense in any of this? Although, I guess love is a senseless emotion.

I think it's really funny when people scoff at the idea of an open relationship without even considering that they're probably indirectly in one anyways. What would happen if we lost this sense of our lovers as somehow "belonging" to us? Is jealously in relation to our lovers an inherent feeling, or is it socially constructed? Could a society where people were completely honest with each other, slept with whoever they wanted openly, and had multiple romantic relationships at once ever possibly work?

Probably not.

This is not to say that I know much about the vast majority of cultures, but it if I had to take a guess I'd say that people all over the world absolutely love drama. This is why we don't celebrate stories about how someone walked to the grocery store, bought dinner, walked back home and ate it. The most famous stories all have at least one thing in common, drama. A world without conflict is fucking boring, not to mention impossible. People will always have opposing opinions and interests, and there will always be those times where we'll only think about ourselves. Why? Daniel Goleman has a thought provoking take on that. But for the time being I'm focusing specifically on adultery.

I'm not quite sure what I really want to say, except for that I'm a little disturbed by all the lying and betrayal I've witnessed in the past few days. It's not the fact that people in relationships are sleeping around that bothers me, it's all the dishonesty about it that really makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you ever really completely trust anyone, myself not excluded? I don't believe we really can. Is this a problem we can and/or should fix? I guess it depends on your take in life. I'm beginning to think that maybe we shouldn't. Part of what makes life exciting is doing something risky. Also, having a secret can really give you this amazing sense of adventure and control over your life.

Anyways, I don't personally believe in a right or wrong, only outcomes. Whether you're trying to decide if you should cheat on your significant other or to sleep with that irresistibly attractive married man in your office, make sure you consider all the possible outcomes for your potential romp before acting upon your desires. Because heaven forbid anyone should be honest about their actions.